It’s been about 24-ish hours since I took the stuff (I hope I’m not meant to be 100% precise with details like that, I’ll keep notes in my phone in case they ask).

I feel alright, I haven’t noticed much difference. I timed it right and I’ve got a couple days off from work in case there’s an adjustment period like sleepiness. I’ve been passing the time with some sketches I’ve been working on. I thought about them when I woke up, I’m surprised they’re still around.

I have a meeting with the representative tomorrow. I looked back at my contract and test detail junk, looks like it’s the same fella behind the emails from yesterday. I’m a little bummed, they were pretty serious-sounding. I’d like to have someone friendly but I guess I can’t expect much like that from a company like this.

I had my meeting today, the one with the representative. He came by my house, I think he assumed he’d be allowed in right away but I wasn’t too sure. I’ve seen some tweekers in my life, that shit can really fuck up a face if you’re too heavy with it.

He seemed annoyed when I asked if we could go down to the park but thankfully I pushed back. I know now that he’s nice but I don’t think I was out of line in wanting to be in a public place when meeting the big fella.

He was super serious at first, spoke maybe 6 words on the walk to the park? I didn’t want to believe he was a man of few words, I’m glad I didn’t.

We found a nice picnic table with the least amount of bird shit. He was like a giant against this pitiful table, looking back, poor guy must’ve hated sitting there for so long.

First half hour was all business, explaining his part in the test, giving me tips on what to expect. Man was on a mission. It was all fine, just saying it’s his job to keep an eye on me. I made a crack that it’d be best he avoid me in the shower.

He didn’t laugh.

Never felt so small in my life, good lord.

More boring test stuff, safety stuff, other stuff I probably should’ve paid attention to. Looking back, I really should’ve let go of the idea the guy was annoyed at me or didn’t like me.

He walked me back home, or I guess “followed me” back home. The point was to show me what monitoring was like. It was a little unnerving knowing that this wad of a guy was stomping around behind me.

But I heard him laugh. I heard the big galoot actually laugh! I asked him about it later, he said he thought of my joke from before.

This guy is so gonna be my bud.

I woke up today and everything felt off.

Everything felt like it was more to the right than usual, just by a step.

I’ve felt like this before, when I was prescribed my first anti-depressant. If I wasn’t focused enough on what I was doing, my legs would drift away ahead of me.

I tripped a lot when I was on that medication, this is no different. It took me stubbing my toe on my dresser and eating shit as a result to start walking around with my hands out in front of me. Even now, my nose still holds a grudge with the floor, hours later.

I get up early, like usual, and head to the bathroom after getting well acquainted with the carpet outside my room. I turn on the light and I crumple.

Right there on the bathroom floor.

The floor was freezing, I would’ve gotten my socks but I just couldn’t. I locked up, folded into myself. My muscles tensed, fingers digging into my own flesh, if they gripped any harder I’d have taken chunks out of myself. I didn’t know what was happening, I’d experienced sleep paralyses before but I wasn’t asleep, my fall knocked any sleep I had left out of me. Nothing in me was moving yet it held itself together like I’d dissolve into powder if I didn’t.

I don’t know how long I was down there, but I know I didn’t move. I heard my phone vibrating on my nightstand, it must’ve ticked passed 6 at some point, my phone would be dead silent otherwise. My chest ached, my heart hadn’t slowed in the slightest. Mortimer came to check on me, confused probably, I would’ve fed her as soon as I got up.

A knock on my front door gave me hope, it was Rhett, I knew it was.

He’d tried to call me and came by when I didn’t pick up. Poor guy had to break the windows next to my door to reach in and unlock it.

To say he helped me is an understatement. Without saying anything, he turned off the bathroom light, unscrewed the lightbulb and used his jacket to cover the bathroom window. He didn’t ask me what happened, didn’t ask if I was alright, he saw me and he knew how to fix it. He sat on the floor next to me and rubbed my back, lit a cigarette at some point and quietly talked to me.

Even when I was back up and able to respond, he didn’t ask a single question on what happened. He told me to wait in the bathroom, closed the door and went around my house closing the curtains and removing lightbulbs. I paid attention to everything he said this time, funny how you pay attention to someone after they save you from a terrifying hell on a bathroom floor.

It’s evening now, figured I’d fill all this out while he’s busy. He’s making me dinner, chicken carbonara and garlic bread, it smells fantastic. I think my apron’s about 3 sizes too small for him.